i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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