I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
