We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
