I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
