i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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