he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
