I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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