Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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