Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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