Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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