What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
