I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
