Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
