Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
