When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
