For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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