I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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