i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
