I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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