someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
