Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
