Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
