meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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