if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
