I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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