I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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