i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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