Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
