There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
