were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
