Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
