i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
