Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
