I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
