The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
