I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
