and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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