You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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