as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
