Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
