i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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