Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
