Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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