My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
