Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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