The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
