she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize