tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
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Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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