And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
