I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
