It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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