Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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