i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
