I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
