so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
