I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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