I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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