so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
