When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
