That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
