this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So much rum. So many feels.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
