I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
