So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there's paper in my vomit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
