I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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