god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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