whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
