Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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