Are we in a gay sports bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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