I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
